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Lucky 13

To conclude what has been my busiest blog month in over a year (thanks, Vikings...), it seemed a lighter note would be appropriate.

The Last Word, Copyright ESPN's Bill Simmons

This is a repost of the latest effort from ESPN's national (and most famous) columnist, Bill Simmons. Normally I'd just post a link, but in this case, I wanted the column memorialized. Much of the non-Vikings material is deleted, as it's not entirely relevant, but the point is still crystal clear. Simmons is a lifelong Red Sox fan, so he understands heartbreak thanks to years like 1986 and 2003. Of course, he also knows championships. Whatever. (Non-Vikings doesn't mean JLH in this case). With this, I turn towards baseball season...

---

A few weeks ago, I was trapped at home on a Friday night. My wife and daughter were away. My son was asleep. The Celtics had just blown a winnable game in Atlanta. I was flipping channels and thinking about things like, "I wish we had gone for Jamal Crawford over Rasheed Wallace" and "I wish Rasheed Wallace didn't have bigger breasts than Rashida Jones." And as I was thinking about breasts, I stumbled across Jennifer Love Hewitt -- someone who, as far as I can tell, has made an entire career off her chest.

She was starring in "Ghost Whisperer," one of those network shows that remains on the air forever even though nobody has ever seen it. In this episode, a campus radio station was being haunted by a DJ. Jennifer was driving at night when the DJ ghost attacked her car. Her head rammed against the windshield, the doors locked, water started pouring in, a Coldplay song started blaring and she could hear another woman screaming. Somehow she jimmied the door open and escaped, but now she was standing on the street and didn't have blood on her forehead. Turns out it wasn't an accident, just a "vision" that made her realize the DJ died by crashing into a river. As she explained to Camryn Manheim, "The ghost wanted me to know that he suffered and that he was not alone." She didn't elaborate on whether "suffered" meant the drowning part or the Coldplay song.

As it turned out, the DJ crashed while on the phone with his girlfriend, who hid the story for years before confessing to Jennifer outside a courthouse. Then, the ghost DJ showed up and talked to his old flame through Jennifer, who started crying because, you know, she can feel pain and stuff. This allowed the ghost to finally escape purgatory and go to heaven. The show ended with Jennifer in a tight nightgown, satisfying the final third of CBS's contractual requirements: They need a ghost, they need Jennifer to cry and they need each show to end with her in a tight nightgown.

I was thinking about her three Mondays later, after the NFC Championship Game, when I was sifting through e-mails from devastated Vikings fans, and I realized that, for some readers, I apparently have turned into the "Sports Whisperer." They channel me as an outlet for their pain.

Why me? Because I have a column and an e-mail address. Because, as a Red Sox fan, I suffered through a lifetime of losing lowlighted by two of the worst defeats in sports history. Because I once wrote the "Levels of Losing" as a way to quantify sports pain. Because things worked out for me; the Red Sox eventually won titles in 2004 and 2007. If any stranger could understand your anguish after a heartwrenching loss, it's me. You don't even have to trap me in a car and blare Coldplay. Just send me an e-mail.

And that's what people do. They send me e-mails like this:

I'm watching the Vikings-Saints game. So are the guys in the apartment next to me, only my TV is running 10 seconds slower than theirs. I just heard Favre's pick before it happened. And now they're going to OT, where the Saints are sure as hell gonna win the toss. The girl I love won't talk to me. Please give me a reason not to kill myself.

-- Nick, Minneapolis

As a lifelong Vikings fan, son of a lifelong Vikings fan, and grandson of a Vikings fan the day the team came into existence, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that tonight's game would end the way it did. Eight months ago I had my tonsils removed. Two percent of people have issues with the incision bleeding when they have a tonsillectomy. Again, as a Vikings fan I knew without a doubt that it would happen to me. It did. They tried to cauterize the wound with me awake, gagging and burning the back of my throat. I lost so much blood I needed an infusion of two pints. I would gladly relive that day every day for the rest of the year over tonight's game. Stomach punch?? Please, this was a groin kick followed by an uppercut to the chin followed by another kick to the nuts. Welcome to Minnesota.

-- Peter D., St. Paul

The Vikings loss is giving me bad flashbacks to breaking up with my prom date in high school. I knew it would probably happen, yet I still feel like I want to throw up and have a strange urge to listen to Richard Marx.

-- Rachael T., St. Paul

I don't know where this falls on your levels of losing rankings, but I can tell you I'd feel a lot better if somebody had just punched me in the stomach. I definitely feel it in my stomach, but it feels more like a virus, like a big, painful empty hole in the pit of my stomach, accompanied by throwing up, irritable bowels, shaking ... I just feel like curling up in a dark bathroom for the next 48 hours. I've been a Vikings fan my entire life, and I find myself questioning why. I'm not a religious man, but I imagine this is what a crisis of faith feels like.

-- Ryan K., Bloomington, Minn.

Please tell me it'll be OK. There are real problems in the world. Why do I hurt this much? A two-hour walk in the freezing cold didn't make me feel better and didn't make me feel cold. Why do I do this to myself? There are people in the world with real problems.

-- Dan, Salt Lake City (via St. Paul)

There really is no category for Vikes-Saints in your 16 Levels of Losing, so I vote for "The Banana Peel." I'll explain. Despite the constant fumbles and plethora of massive hits Favre took, I refused to be a victim and kept my hope alive -- just like the main character in a melodramatic Lifetime movie about someone battling some rare infectious disease. After fighting the whole way, it looked like the victim (me) was going to be OK (the final drive, especially Favre hitting Rice at the 50 and Taylor's run to the 33). And out of nowhere, because some hack director thinks it will infuse "true emotion and irony," a freak accident happens in which the disease survivor slips on the proverbial banana peel and cracks his head open on the one rock in a beautiful field of grass (read: 12 MEN IN THE HUDDLE!!!!). Of all the losses I've endured, this one falls into a whole new category, right?

-- David P., New York

When any reader compares himself or herself to a tragic Lifetime movie character, there's a good chance we just endured a whopping Stomach Punch loss. Or even worse. Collectively, hundreds of those anguished Vikings e-mails made me wonder: Did I make a mistake with the top level of the Levels of Losing? Am I not channeling other people's pain well enough?

Originally, I named Level 1 "That Game," a Guillotine/Stomach Punch combination that happened only one time: Game 6 of the '86 World Series. After all, no effed-up franchise ever came closer to winning a title without actually winning it, and no franchise ever blew that same chance in such agonizing fashion. It was like Scott Norwood's field goal spread over 13 excruciating pitches, four batters and a pitching change. And it could never be approached. Or so I thought.

See, Game 6 might have been the most powerful Level 1 example, but it wasn't the only example. The Bartman Game, Byner Fumble, Pedro/Grady Game, Gary Anderson Game, No Goal Game, Darrin Nelson Game and Jose Mesa Game all were Guillotine/Stomach Punch combos for effed-up franchises. (That's another good indicator, by the way -- being able to identify the loss with a short but recognizable phrase.) Limiting Level 1 to the Red Sox was purely an only-child, everything-revolves-around-me decision. I mean, Steve Bartman had to leave the country. That wasn't a Level 1 defeat?

I made a mistake. Really, the equation should look like this: (Guillotine + Stomach Punch) x (already tortured history) x (significance of the game itself) x (catchy moniker) = Level 1.

But you need to have all of those things. The Norwood Game seems like a Level 1 loss in retrospect, but Bills fans weren't fully tortured yet. Only AFTER the agony of that defeat did they become Level 1 eligible. Same for Browns fans after The Drive paved the way for the Byner Fumble a year later. The key is "fully tortured." You can't be a little tortured or pretty much tortured. You have to be fully tortured. Haunted, even. Six variables allow this to take hold:

1. You need at least a 35-year drought without a title.

That is two solid generations of fans and covers anyone in the 35-to-50 age range who has spent his or her entire life tortured by the same franchise ... only now they've brought their children under that same haunted spell. Just look at the difference in desperation between Mets fans (last title: 1986) and Knicks fans (last title: 1973). Starting with Dwight Gooden's positive coke test in 1987, Mets fans have suffered as much as any fan base in sports over the past 23 years: the Scioscia homer, the fall of Doc and Darryl, the Bobby Bo era, the Kenny Rogers Game, the 2000 Subway Series, Yadier Molina's homer and the Collapse of 2007. Brutal. But 1986 wasn't THAT long ago. No Knicks fan younger than 40 can remember winning a title, and any Knicks fan older than 40 can barely remember because it happened so long ago. Even worse, they feel guilty for putting a Knick Stink on their kids. That's the difference.

2. That 35-year rule doesn't apply to relocations.

We just entered our sixth straight decade without the Royals/Kings franchise making an NBA Finals. But the Kings moved to Sacramento in 1984, making them ineligible for Level 1 because anyone who cares about them could start caring only 26 years ago. (And it's too bad, because the 2002 Western Conference finals unquestionably greased the skids for Level 1 status.) In 2019? They become eligible. No, Dick Bavetta didn't make this ruling.

3. During that 35-plus years without a title, it's not enough to lose. You need to have your guts wrenched a few times.

A great example: Heading into 2005, the White Sox hadn't won a World Series since 1917 and the Cubs hadn't won since 1908, but only Cubs fans were considered "tortured." And with reason. Maybe White Sox fans hadn't won anything, but they didn't have a ton of scars, either. Cubs fans were scarred like tribal warriors. Big difference.

4. Only teams in cold-weather cities are eligible for Level 1 unless the situation is so cruel/unusual/unforgiving that it's practically unprecedented.

Cold weather and losing go together as easily as John Travolta and horrendous haircuts. You're already bitter about getting crushed, and then you wake up and it's 9 degrees outside, the skies are gray and you have to scrape ice off your windshield as your ears slowly freeze. It's almost like a background for your mood, no different than listening to Elliott Smith albums after a bad breakup.

Warm weather mellows you out, removes that life-or-death dynamic and puts sports in somewhat proper perspective. Suns fans are a good example. On paper? Level 1 eligible. Forty-one seasons, no titles. Lost the Kareem/Neil Walk coin flip. Lost the famous triple-overtime game in 1976. Lost three agonizing games in the 1993 NBA Finals, as well as Mario Elie's "Kiss of Death" 3-pointer that ended their season in '94. Their Nash era stretch from 2004 to '07 was basically one long liver punch. And yet, how could Suns fans be truly tortured? They live in Arizona! They have things to do!

It's the same reason San Diego, Miami or Atlanta fans can't be tortured. The elements will always make them feel better. The weather is a natural elixir. And maybe being a Saints fan (as I wrote last week) hasn't been a barrel of laughs, but there's a spiritual optimism around that team -- something tied to the festiveness of Bourbon Street, Mardi Gras and the city in general -- that was beaten out of Jets/Bills/Vikes/Browns/Eagles fans a long time ago. I can't have the phrase "spiritual optimism" associated with my Level 1 teams.

Back to the Vikes for a second. Imagine being a die-hard living in Minnesota or South Dakota after Sunday's loss. It's three degrees outside, you have one year left with Joe Mauer, your basketball GM choked with Ricky Rubio, you have a .500 hockey team, and your football team is coming back nine months from now with the same bumbling coach and a 41-year-old QB ... and that's before we get to the fact that God might legitimately hate your team, or that it's going to be 20 degrees or colder for the next two months, or that everyone around you is just as depressed as you are. How do you get out of bed? How do you function that Monday? So much for spiritual optimism.

5. You need to be just pessimistic enough to keep your guard up for a sucker punch but just optimistic enough to keep lowering your guard at the worst possible time.

Two days before Vikes-Saints, I wrote the following: "Jets/Bills/Vikes/Browns fans expect to get punched, contort their faces into a giant wince, wait for a punch that never comes, say to themselves, 'Cool, I'm not gonna get punched, it's gonna be OK!' ... and then they get clocked." That sequence usually leads to a Level 1 loss. What's amazing is how many fans know this and lower their guard anyway. On Wednesday's podcast, I asked my buddy Geoff (die-hard Vikes fan) whether he actually thought Minnesota was going to win on the final drive of regulation. This is someone who started rooting for the Vikes at age 6, the year of the Hail Mary play, and spent the next 35 years getting kicked in the teeth. What was his answer?

YES!

First down, New Orleans 33, less than a minute to play ... Geoff thought they had it. He dropped his guard. The rest was history. He spent the rest of the night kicking himself for dropping his guard. That's an essential emotional sequence for Level 1: self-loathing.

6. Outsiders need to instinctively empathize during a Level 1 takedown.

Going in, they already know, "Wow, that team's fan base has been brutalized in a variety of ways; this is becoming unfair." So when that brutalization kicks into motion again, even casual fans with no real interest instinctively start rooting for that team to NOT get brutalized. It cannot be up for debate. There are no degrees. It's like how we should figure out prospective Hall of Famers -- either you know or you don't.

A good example: On Sunday, I parlayed the Colts/Saints money lines and needed a Saints victory to cover the bet. After the 12-man penalty and Favre's pick, I started rooting against my own wager just because, as a Red Sox fan with two Level 1 scars, you never want to see anyone else suffer a Level 1 loss. Empathy trumped my other interests in the game.

Possible factors that could negatively affect this empathetic assessment: success of other teams in the same city (for instance, nobody is feeling bad for Boston Bruins fans after the other three Boston teams won a combined six titles this past decade); lack of media attention; unwavering optimism within the fan base; and steady losing devoid of playoff nightmares (like the Lions or Saints). This clause unfortunately rules out fans of the following teams: the Arizona Cardinals, Atlanta Falcons, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Bruins, Chicago Blackhawks, Cincinnati Bengals, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Lions, Houston Astros, Kansas City Chiefs, L.A. Clippers, L.A. Kings, Miami Dolphins, Milwaukee Brewers, Milwaukee Bucks, Phoenix Suns, Sacramento Kings, San Diego Chargers, San Diego Padres, St. Louis Blues, Texas Rangers, Vancouver Canucks and Washington Capitals ... even if it's not totally fair.

So who's left? By my count, only 15 teams are currently eligible for a Level 1 defeat at any time. Just for fun, I thought we could rank them.

14-15. Seattle Mariners/Seahawks

13. Portland Trail Blazers

12. Philadelphia Eagles

11. New York Jets

10. Cleveland Cavaliers

9. Buffalo Sabres

8. New York Knickerbockers

7. Toronto Maple Leafs

6. San Francisco Giants

5. Cleveland Indians

4. Cleveland Browns

3. Buffalo Bills

2. Minnesota Vikings

Last Title: Never.

Last Truly Devastating Defeat: This past Sunday.

Rock Bottom: Hard to top four Super Bowl losses in eight years. (Although we just topped it with the Bills, so I guess it's not THAT hard.) But since there were so many rock bottoms, let's go with the first one: Super Bowl IV, when the Vikes were favored by 12 and ended up losing by 16 to the Chiefs. Before the game, a Vikings mascot tried to take off in a hot air balloon, failed and nearly crashed into the stands. Don't believe me? Go to the 20-second mark of this clip. It's like a deleted scene from a Christopher Guest movie. Not a good omen for the Vikes and big games. Call it a retroactive rock bottom.

Additional Thoughts: As Geoff said on my podcast, "If there's any upside [from Sunday's loss], it's that no city will be willing to lure the Vikings away." I bumped them ahead of Buffalo only because of their unparalleled streak: Every 10 years or so, they rip the intestines out of their fans. Happened in 1975 (the Hail Mary), 1988 (Darren Nelson), 1998 (Gary Anderson) and 2009 (12 men). ... By the way, none of those were the four lost Super Bowls. Not even the Red Sox annihilated their fans at such a consistently efficient pace.

1. Chicago Cubs

Last Title: 1908.

Last Truly Devastating Defeat: Bartman.

Rock Bottom: Ditto.

Additional Thoughts: Cold weather, a 102-year title drought, a checkered history, a Level 1 loss that happened recently, self-loathing fans, a nagging sense that it can never turn around ... the Cubs really bring everything to the table. They get my "fan base that's wired the most tightly" vote for this reason: Remember Game 1 of the 2008 playoffs at Wrigley, when the Dodgers jumped out to an early lead and the crowd died immediately? No faith at all. It has been beaten out of the fans.

How do you get your collective mojo back? The 1994 New York Rangers, 2004 Red Sox and 2008 Phillies proved that anyone can get off the Level 1 List. Hey, it's not easy. You'll shed some blood and tears. You might need a miracle to turn momentum around, and you might even need to sell the soul of one of your kids. But it has been done. Hell, I was there for one of those karma swings: Oct. 19, 2004, Fenway Park, Dave Roberts sprinting for second right in front of me, my whole life about to change ... and I had no idea.

So when I get e-mails like this ...

I am a 17-year-old senior at Averill Park High School in upstate New York, the only Vikings fan amidst the swam of Pats and Giants fans. I inherited the Vikings from my dad, and my first sports memory is watching the Gary Anderson game. For the past decade, I have suffered with the Vikings, watching everyone else celebrate the Giants' and the Pats' Super Bowls, while my Vikes continued to lose in ever escalating horrible ways. But I kept coming back every year, as they found new ways to torture me, because sports are what I live for. Then came the NFC Championship, and once again, I was caused excruciating pain by the thing I love most. I'm finding it hard to commit myself again, as after each year I suffer more and more. Being a Red Sox fan, you have experienced this same pain, but ultimately, you got your redemption. All I ask for is something to remind me that the misery and despair are worth it all, and that being a sports fan isn't just masochism with commercials.

-- Patrick, Albany, N.Y.

... they mean something to me. Maybe I can't contact ghosts, and maybe I don't have spectacular breasts, but I can feel your pain, Patrick. No, being a sports fan isn't just masochism with commercials. Yes, the misery and despair will be worth it some day. Keep the faith.

Ode To Sisyphus, A Sports Retrospective

This blog has been in operation for over five years, and something like 725 posts. I've rambled on about a great number of topics, but in the back of my mind, I've always tried to treat this little corner of cyberspace as my time capsule. I can write down my thoughts and reactions, chronicle events, and provide some sort of running narrative to how my world is spinning.

Accordingly, last night's loss by the Vikings in the NFC Championship game deserves to be acknowledged. In the years to come, that game will be one I'll remember. Unlike 1/17/99, when the 15-1 Vikings lost to heavy underdog Atlanta at home, I'm 22. I'm an adult. I live blogged the damn game. This will be one where the details will stick. It won't boil down to Wide Left. It can't.

To varying degrees, I'm invested in each season of every Minnesota sports team I cheer for. I've loved sports ever since I can remember, thanks to my parents - my Dad who played catch with me since I was old enough to squeeze a glove, who first taught me to swing a golf club, and my Mom, who's rooted all of these sports teams with equal enthusiasm as either of us. Often, I probably care about these games and teams too much. In my 15 or 16 years of coherent sports viewership, there have been several seasons that have looked like they could result in a title. In order...

• '96-'97 Gopher Basketball, a Final-4 team who went 31-4, and a team that was wiped off the book as a result of academic scandal.
• '98-'99 Vikings, who went 15-1 and scored 556 points, only to fall to Atlanta in the NFC Championship, in OT, 30-27.
• 2002-'03 Minnesota Wild, who came back from two 3-1 series deficits to reach the Western Conference finals. (This hurts the least -- the Wild were a new expansion team and the longest of longshots).
• 2003-'04 Timberwolves, who had the #1 seed in the West, only to lose in six in the West Finals after losing All-Star PG Sam Cassell early on to a hip injury.
• 2005-'06 and '06-'07 Gopher Hockey, two powerhouse squads who ran off 20+ game unbeaten streaks and months-long stretches at #1 in the country, only to lose in the NCAA tournament both times.
• 2006 Minnesota Twins, who went 97-65, coming back from more than 10 games back in the division to win the Central and host (and lose to) the A's in the ALDS.
• The latest, the '08-'09 Vikings who went 12-4, earned #2 NFC seed, provided a dominating divisional win against Dallas, and a soul-sucking comedy of errors in a loss to New Orleans in the NFC Championship.

Counting the hockey double up, that's nine seasons. Of the nine, the Gopher hockey seasons, the '06 Twins, and both Vikings seasons stand out as the years where opportunity truly seemed to slip away. In my lifetime, there have been two pro sports titles, both World Series Championships by the Twins, and both just a bit too early in my life for me to remember.

What bugs me most is that Minnesota teams have few peers when it comes to finding new and imaginative ways to wallop fans in the gut. Of the participants, the Vikings are the ring leaders. My parents were at the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th Super Bowl losses, and have seen every other failure in the Vikes' almost 50 year history. Their litany runs longer than mine. What holds true is that Minnesota always has the knack for doing something unprecedented in order to lose. For instance, last night we outgained the Saints by 218 yards (475-257). No team has ever lost a playoff game with that big of a yardage advantage, and this was against the best offense in the league this year. We had five turnovers. Five. No other game this season saw us have more than two. Harvin fumbled on our own 22. Favre/Peterson fumbled on their 5. Berrian, who had a great game mostly, fumbled on their 10. Favre threw a pick on a crazy heave across the middle while rolling right, when a simple five yard toss to the flat gave us a shot to win the game with a 50 yard field goal. Of course, we had 12 in the huddle -- after a timeout -- that put us in that position in the first place. These are things that the Vikings seem to do. I don't know why. I thought this was the year because of one man -- Favre. The sheer improbability of having a 40-year-old Favre QB the Vikings, and then have an MVP caliber season to boot...it just seemed like destiny. Of course our first Super Bowl would be won by the former Packer legend. It just seemed to make a crazy sort of sense. Of course he'd lead a game-winning two minute drive for the last second field goal after almost being knocked out of the game in the third quarter. With two minutes left in regulation, I finally had no doubt that it all was going to finally work out.

When I said 'I quit' last night, I didn't mean it. I never do. I remember being heartbroken after Kentucky pulled out a close game, when Gary Anderson missed and Morton Anderson didn't, when Torii dove for a ball he should've played on a hop (in attendance for that one), when Holy freaking Cross scored in OT, and...well...probably when Favre threw pick #2, but really there were so many moments to choose from last night who really knows?

With the benefit of time, however, I remember how much fun it was to see the Gophers come back from 9 pts. down in Indiana with under a minute to go against Bob Knight, and how great Bobby Jackson played to beat Clemson in double-OT in the Sweet 16. I remember when Moss lit up the Packers as a rookie on Monday Night Football and then the Cowboys on Thanksgiving with 3 TDs each. I remember when the Twins went on a 34-8 run in June and July of '06, and seeing Santana vs. Schilling, and catching the Tigers literally after our season had ended. This year, I'll remember the miracle line drive Hail Mary to Greg Lewis to beat San Francisco. I'll remember Favre lighting up Green Bay twice. I'll remember being able to personally see this team beat New York 44-7. More than maybe anything, I'll remember Favre getting up after the Saints kept blasting him, time after time. Interception be damned, bonehead heave be damned, Favre made this season for us even as he helped take it away. I've never seen a tougher old bastard. He left his blood and sweat on the field and tears in the locker room.

I'll be there come April when the Twins open a new ballpark. I'll be there next September when the Vikes kick it off, Favre or no Favre. I'll cheer for the Wild, and my Gopher teams, and hope the Wolves become good again. I'm a Minnesotan, and unfortunately, it's well within my rights to expect athletic disappointment. No matter what though, I'll be back. I have no idea when a title might come, but whenever it is, God willing, I'll be cheering.

Vikings-Saints Live Blog

5:38 pm: Going crazy. This is the biggest single sporting event in Minnesota since the '01 NFC Championship game, and considering the circumstances, it's the biggest since January '99 and the debacle against Atlanta. Game 7's for the Wild and Wolves are great...but this is the conference title.

My pregame pick - Vikes 30, New Orleans 23. Let's get it going!

5:44: Honorary captain: Bud Grant. Vikes pick heads. Vikes WIN TOSS. Good omen. I like it. Vikes have been excellent all year on opening drives and in the first quarter. Let's see if that holds to form.

5:45: Here he comes. #4.

5:47: First 1st-down of the game to Jimmy Kleinsausser.

5:50: Solid start to this game. Three methodical first downs. Five passes, just one run so far.

5:52: PETERSON SCORES!!! Awesome run up the left side from 19 yards out!!! 7-0 Vikings!!!!!!!!!!

5:55: Now comes the more difficult test. Stopping Drew Brees and the NO offense...

5:59: First 3rd down of the game coming up, for the Saints. And they convert.

6:00: All passes thus far for NO as they convert another first down. Aerial show so far, except for the AP TD.

6:02: Touchdown New Orleans. Pierre Thomas converts a 38 yard screen pass. Poor tackling, poor angles. Benny Sapp went 100% chickenshit and dove away from Thomas to avoid the O-lineman who was trying to block him. Meanwhile, Greenway missed a tackle and PT weaved his way into the endzone. 7-7 tie.

6:08: Favre had Berrian in single coverage deep, but overthrew him.

6:10: Huge penalty on New Orleans! Defensive holding on 3rd-and-5. CHEATERS!

6:13: Late hit personal foul on the Saints! 15 yards!

6:15: Again Favre just misses single coverage deep. 3rd-and-7 coming up. BIG completion to Percy. Goal to go from the 7.

6:17: TOUCHDOWN VIKINGS! Third and goal, Favre delivers a strike to Rice for the TD. 14-7 Vikings!!!!!! Through two drives, the Vikings have come out firing. 14 of 20 plays have been passes. Favre is getting drilled after about half the plays, but he's getting the ball out where it needs to go.

6:21: Saints just tried a double reverse. Reggie Bush turned a 15 yard loss into no gain.

6:22: Saints can't convert on a 3rd down pass to Colston. First punt of the game is forced by the Vikes as the 1st quarter ends.

END OF FIRST QUARTER: 14-7 Vikings

6:28: Saints return the favor and force a 3-and-out. Vikes punting to Reggie Bush. Kluwe hits a good one...44 yards and high, forcing a
fair catch. Quite the improvement over last year when Bush ran two back.

6:33: Saints convert a 3rd-and-10 after Bush gets matched up on Leber. Advantage Saints, clearly. Now in Vikes territory.

6:35: Saints touchdown. 9-yard strike to Devery Henderson. Game now tied, 14-14.

6:43: Vikes responding. Two nice plays to open their drive.

6:44: Peterson leveled Darren Sharper to pick up a first down!

6:47: Damnit. Vikes forced to punt from midfield after Favre misses Berrian on 3rd-and-4. Saints get the ball at their own 18. Defense needs to step up here.

6:52: Jasper Brinkley comes up huge, stuffing the 3rd-and-1 run play. Vikes' ball on their own 25 after the punt.

6:55: Nothing from the offense, as we punt back to the Saints. Looked like poor routes, along with some good coverage by New Orleans. Really important for the defense to come up big one more time, as the Saints get the ball to open the 2nd half.

6:56: Ben Leber just missed a diving interception on first down.

6:57: Another great stop by the Vikings' line, as Bush is stopped on 3rd-and-1...but the Saints are going for it!

6:58: Delay of game! 4th-and-1 goes to 4th-and-6! Saints punt!

7:05: Going to be 3rd-and-9 from the Vikings' 46. Big play. Favre just converted a 3rd-and-long to Berrian the previous set of downs.

7:08: Favre misses Berrian. Vikes punting with 1:24 left in the half. BUSH FUMBLED!!!!! BUSH FUMBLED!!!!! VIKES BALL!!!! Vikes get the ball on the Saints 10!!! 1:15 left in the half.

7:13: Peterson fumbles at the Saints' 5-yard-line. Oh my god. omFg. He closed his arms before he got the handoff. Saints run out the clock.

END OF SECOND QUARTER: Tied 14-14

7:28: Saints run back the opening kick 62 yards to the Vikings' 37. Tough start.

7:29: Three plays in, and the Saints have the ball on our 9, first and goal. The missing 2nd half points on the Peterson fumble looming large.

7:30: Four plays for a 2nd Pierre Thomas TD. 21-14 Saints. Favre had a rough second quarter after absorbing quite a few hits. He needs to come out and be more precise on this drive for the Vikings to seize back some momentum.

7:35: Replays show that Pierre Thomas was down at the 1. Childress and staff couldn't challenge in time. Meanwhile, Sidney makes a catch hfor a first down.

7:36: Big play over the middle to Shaincoe. Vikes' ball at NO's 40.

7:38: Possible game saver. Peterson fumbled again on first down, but Tahi recovered. Then Favre hit Shaincoe on 2nd-and-20 for a first down.

7:40: Gigantic play by Favre and Shaincoe on 3rd-and-2 from the Saint's 20. Favre rolls out and finds Shaincoe at the 2!

7:40: Atonement. Adrian rumbles in from the 2 for a Vikings Touchdown!!! Tie game, 21-21.

7:47: The Vikings forced a punt, after holding on 3rd-and-5! Stops are like gold right now. Lining up, the Vikings dodge an enchroachment penalty bullet. False start on the Saints.

7:50: ESPN reporting 71,276 in the Superdome. Biggest crowd ever to see a football game there.

7:52: Adrian just fumbled a third time. A THIRD TIME. He recovered it, but holy CRAP what the hell?????????????

7:55: Favre piledriven into the ground. Personal foul on the Saints. First down, but Favre is just getting destroyed on occasion.

7:56: Tie game, 2:25 left in the 3rd. I'm trying to stave off a stroke.

7:57: This mght be the time I give up on sports. Forever. Favre again was just destroyed on 2nd-and-9. Throw was rushed, and Vilma picked it off at the Saints' 27. Favre limping off the field...got hit low and his knees took a shot.

8:01: Favre clearly sprained his left ankle, which is being taped. Meanwhile, Brees audibled on 3rd-and-8, missed the pass, and the Saints will punt. Huge stand by the D. Question is, how effective will Favre be? It's a big problem, potentially. One quarter to go. My God. I need a paper bag for hyperventilating.

END OF THIRD QUARTER: Tied 21-21

8:04: This is the most nerve wracking game I've ever watched. '98 be damned. We were ahead most of that game, and I was too young to know better.

8:06: Percy Harvin fumbles, the Saints recover on our six. I just want to lie down and end it. God this is excrucitating. We're giving away the NFC title.

8:09: Saints about to get a TD on review, looks like. 3rd-and-4 from our 4, and Brees hit Bush near the sidelines.

8:11: Yep. 28-21 Saints Favre on one leg. Peterson and Harvin have combined for four fumbles. I am disconsolate. I hate sports. Seriously, Minnesota is cursed. Even Favre can't break it. How the hell we won two World Series, I'll never know. Too bad I can't really remember either.

8:17: Peterson takes it 27 yards, and doesn't fumble. I'm amazed.

8:19: 30 yard strike from Favre to Berrian on 3rd and 10. Vikes ball on the Saints' 20. I'm about to pass out.\\8:01:

8:20: Berrian fumbles at the 10. Our sixth fumble. Saints recover at their own five. That's at minimum six points we've left on the field. Nine minutes left in the game. Wow.

8:23: Brees fumbnles on 3rd-and-2. Picks it up. Falls forward. Spotted short of the first down, and looks short. Sean Payton challenges for the Saints. 8:26 left in the game.

8:25: I started this game on the edge of my seat, yelling, gesticulating, etc. I'm now just leaning back. I can't take it.

8:27: Saints lose their challenge. 7:57 left, Vikings with good position at their 44. Still, SIX fumbles. I'll need to see a TD before I believe it. We've shot ourselves in both feet about four times each.

8:30: 3rd-and-6. Our 48.

8:30: Shaincoe picks up 16. I feel lightheaded.

8:32: Peterson knifes for 18.

8:33: Pass interference on New Orleans IN THE END ZONE. Ball on the Saints' 1. I feel like puking.

8:35: Peterson gets in on 2nd-and-goal. Three TDs, and three fumbles. I don't even know anymore. 4:58 left. Vikes' D needs to win the game for us, right here. Tie game: 28-28.

8:38: Huge job by kick coverage. Saints start on their own 18.

8:40: EDWARDS SACK ON FIRST DOWN! BREES FUMBLES! Saints get it back. Dear Lord.

8:40: Now 3rd-and-18. Don't blow it now, defense!

8:41: Devery Henderson stopped...gains only 16. WAY TO GO DEFENSE!!!!

8:41: 2:49 left. Ball at our 21. Tie game. HERE COMES BRETT. My hands are literally not staying still. This is taking a couple years off my life on the back end.

8:43: 2nd-and-9. Two minute warning.

8:47: Berrian picks up 3rd-and-8. My heart is just...wow. It's like I've been sprinting for the last hour.

8:48: Favre on a LASER to Sidney!

8:49: 14 YARDS FROM CHESTER! BALL ON THE SAINTS' 33. OH MY GOD.

8:50: Chester for no gain on first down.

851:: 12 men in the huddle. We're back to the 38. Unbelievable.

8:52: Favre throws a pick. FAVRE THROWS A PICK.

End of Fourth Quarter: Tied 28-28.

8:55: OT. Saints win the toss. There was one instant, when Taylor was motoring to the 33, when I really felt we'd win. And now this.

8:58: Pierre Thomas runs it back to the 40. Cedric Griffen is hurt. Knee.

9:00: 3rd-and-7, Saints. I can't breathe.

9:02: Saints pick it up on defensive holding. Incomplete on next first down. 2nd-and-10.

9:04: 3rd-and-10. I can't tell if they picked it up. It's right there. Jesus.

9:05: 4th and a foot. From our 42. This is practically the Super Bowl. Saints are going for it.

9:07: Saints pick it up. Greenway hit him. Booth review on the spot. I'm exhausted. I'm just watching.

9:10: Leber pass interference on our 29. I feel so sick. So sick.

9:12: Leber recovers and pins Bush for a five yard loss. Ball on 34.

9:13: Brees to Meachem for 12 yards. 3rd-and-3. Ball on our 21. Booth review on the catch.

9:15: It's a catch.

9:15: Incomplete on 3rd and 3. Season comes down to a 40 yard field goal by Garrett Hartley. Gary Anderson, help us now.

9:19: 31-28 New Orleans. Garrett Hartley made it right through the middle.

END OF OVERTIME: 31-28, New Orleans

I quit.

Goddamnit, I Believe

I Believe



Right, Adrian?



Right, Brett?



That's right.

WE DAT

Scott Brown and Trucks

I'm not here to comment on the future ramifications of Scott Brown's Massachusetts Senate victory. He takes the vacated seat of Teddy Kennedy, which people like me find awfully amusing, and people not like me likely find disgusting. I have no interest in commenting on whatever this election meant to public opinion on Obama, Health Care, or anything else.

What I am interested in commenting on is the reason why Martha Coakley lost a 20 percentage point lead in less than a month. It was Harry Reid's Barack Obama's her campaign's her own fault. Liberal bastion or not, politics or not, health care or not, this is still Massachusetts, home of the Red Sox.



Game, set, match for poor Martha Coakley. Duh.

SKOL!

The biggest Vikings victory I've ever witnessed just wrapped up, and the home team destroyed the Dallas Cowboys America's team overrated posers by the score of 34-3.

Next week looms a new chance or the biggest win I've ever witnessed, as the 13-4 Vikings head to New Orleans to take on the now 14-3 New Orleans Saints, who just beat Arizona by an identical 31 points, 45-14. It's the game many predicted back in November, and it's the biggest game in Minnesota since probably '98. The Vikings were second in the NFL in points scored with 470 (29.4 ppgs) while the Saints led the league with 510 (31.8 ppg). Drew Brees has 37 TDs on the season, including playoffs. Brett Favre has 37 TDs on the season, including playoffs. The Vikings have Favre, Peterson, Taylor, Rice, Harvin, Shaincoe, & Berrian. The Saints have Brees, Thomas, Bush, Colston, Meachem, Shockey, and Henderson. It promises to be a game with lots of fireworks.

Today, Brett Favre threw four TDs, three to Sidney Rice, who just demolished Dallas' secondary in what is the game of his career thus far. (Rice tied an NFL record with three TD receptions in a playoff game). The equally huge story was the defense, who sacked Romo six times and forced him into three turnovers, one INT and two fumbles. Probably the best defensive effort I can remember by a Vikings football team. Leading the charge was Ray Edwards, who was the defensive player who turned in the game of his life, totaling three sacks and a forced fumble.

Vikings highlights, as called by hometown announcer Paul Allen!



Gerald Sensabaugh is probably still wondering what the heck happened.

Kimmel Destruction

It took Jimmy a couple questions to rev the engine up, but he got there.

Sergei Gonchar Sucks

Thanks to my brother, I was lucky enough to go to the Wild's game against the defending Stanley Cup Champs (Pittsburgh) tonight. Leading Pittsburgh is Sidney Crosby, as was evidenced by the five-deep throng of people around the glass watching the Penguins' warm-up skate. Also the numerous Pittsburgh '87' jerseys. In the end though, the home team won 4-3, and I went home happy.

I also got to practice for this weekend's Gopher series against North Dakota, since the entire arena booed Pitt defenseman Sergei Gonchar for most of the third period after he took a run at Cal Clutterbuck's head, while leading with his elbow.